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  • idontneedtwo

Let’s Get Lacy Ladies!

Updated: Sep 11, 2019

I always would fawn over all those pretty frilly bras and undies, but my-oh-my were they uncomfortable! Like I mentioned before when the thought of never being able to wear all that stuff again came hurling towards me like a hurricane, I began to have a panic attack and put on every lacy bra that was in my closet for prosperity’s sake. For one last time I looked at myself in the mirror and thought “Why the heck didn’t I wear all this stuff!”

The regrets came pouring out of the bottom of my closet in a flood of lacy lingerie all over the floor.

I bet you thought your lacy days were over. Like I said before, I wasn’t one to wear that stuff, but I admired it. Maybe you also looked at all the Victoria Secret models in their photo-shopped glory like me and made attempts to look like those sexy vixens. Heck, maybe you WERE a sexy vixen!

I only attempted this on two occasions. Once, in my 20s, I thought I’d surprise my boyfriend when he got home from his night shift at a bar. I put on all that frilly stuff, lit candles all over the apartment, got into the sexiest pose I could think of, and waited for his arrival.

AND waited, and, waited….

Until the cat jumped onto a side table where some candles had been burning and her tail caught on fire! I frantically flew across the room to avoid my home becoming an inferno. In the commotion, I ended up with a crick in my neck – it was out of whack from staying in the same pose I had been holding for the previous 20 minutes to optimize my sexy look. Those were the days!

Fast forward many years and I had finally married my prince charming. Not one for all the effort that many of us put in to please our men, I had not extended any effort since nearly catching my house on fire. Nope, not even my prince charming got me excited about dressing in that overpriced frilly get-up. Hey, I’m lazy by nature, and just couldn’t be bothered to be exposed to the torture of lingerie.

But for my bridal gift, I was given a $250 gift certificate to (you guessed it) Victoria’s Secret. The place that had rejected me all those years ago was awaiting my return. And with that much money riding around in my wallet, I did just that.

By then I had gained weight, which along came boobs, so I was actually sort of excited about trying out this sexy, grown up, I-can-do-the-super-model-thing look!

I picked out 3 matching bras and panties (I really hate the word panties but I’ll use it only for your benefit) and walked out feeling like I could maybe pull off all this go-get-your-man stuff after all.

That night I put a brand new frilly set on while my hubby was watching TV and sauntered in with my I’m-going-give-you-what-you’ve-always-dreamed-of attitude. I threw open the door, and tried with every I’m-a-goddess bone in my body to look as appealing as possible. When my husband looked up at me, his reaction was………not what I had planned on.

He burst out laughing!

Within seconds we were both in hysterics. This just was never going to be me. Needless to say, I’m so glad my husband loves me regardless. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pangs of missing out on wearing frilly, feminine things.

Luckily I have discovered a secret. It’s a pretty awesome one to boot!

I have discovered that lace can be your best friend. It doesn’t have to be uncomfortable, itchy, or hidden under your clothing! Say WHAT? Yes, I would have never thought to buy or wear anything like lace before, but I happened upon a top at the Goodwill a few weeks after my mastectomy.

I have a habit of thrifting. One of the sales ladies who works at a store I regularly frequent knows I have had a mastectomy and is always helpful. She also knows that I have started to get a bit of a kick shocking people. So when I flung open the door of my changing room and spoke to the nearest shopper, she sat back and watched with great amusement.

“Excuse me, do you mind telling me what you think? Does this top look okay?” I asked my unsuspecting fellow shopper.

“Oh that looks good on you.” she said with confidence. “But, does it look a little funny anywhere?” I continue to prod, “You don’t think maybe it falls funny on me….do you notice anything missing?”

At this point, it is important to add, when asking someone their opinion in the store, they will try to give you the answer you want. This was me giving her the perfect opportunity to say it looked bad if she noticed my missing breast but didn’t want to say anything. But she didn’t. She searched for anything that would make me happy with her answer. She tried to find something wrong with it and finally came up with “Well, it is super frilly if you’re not into that, but I really do like it on you.” “So, you didn’t notice that I don’t have a boob then?” I ask her smiling and pulling on my top so she can see. “Oh my God!” She looked around the store as if she was waiting for Candid Camera to appear. “I am a nurse! I can’t believe I didn’t notice!” With that, we all had a good laugh, and I swiftly bought the top.

The thing about a lace top is that it gives the illusion of layers and creates shadows that help disguise what is going on underneath. Who knew? I now have 4 different lace tops, all different cuts and shapes, and all from Goodwill (please don’t pay for anything at a store that you can’t find at the Goodwill -it’s better for the environment). Regardless of the shape, all of them are super flattering and feminine (bonus points)!

You can wear a bralette underneath or choose an undershirt (camisole) that is in a different color, creating even more of a trick on the eye. If you wear a sweater or jacket over the top you actually give the eye more to look at and enhance your chances that nobody will notice anything amiss.

Go out and get girly. Lace is my new lovely.

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